More than just getting through

 Last year in late November, when I was in the shower (where I do all of my best thinking) I heard myself say that if I could just get through Thanksgiving, everything would be okay, I knew things had to change. *I* had to change. Thanksgiving. A time of thanks, time with family, time of joy. And I'm wishing it away. Wishing to "just get through". Wishing it over.

I found myself too often saying "as soon as I get through..." or "if I can just get through..." and thinking that if I could, things would be back to normal, or settled down, or just okay and I'd be able to rest.  I decided that I needed to live the hard, because sometimes even the joy days are hard. I needed to experience those days that seem too much. There is plenty to be grateful for, plenty to enjoy even in the midst of feeling like I "just can't". Because if I look to the past, I obviously can and have- I'm still here- so wouldn't life be better lived instead of wished away?

Being a mother of a grown child as well as two still doing some growing, I know time goes fast. I don't want to wish away my life. I don't want to wish away my short, precious time with my family. I don't want to turn around and find myself old, parents gone, friends gone or going, kids busy with their own lives, and me having wished it all away. I want to more than just get through...even if it's hard.